Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Let's get the cat blown out
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
