i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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