sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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