I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
