We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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