I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
you inspire me to be a worse person
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
