just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
