so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
