Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
