my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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