So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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