Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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