Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
