I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
