your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
