I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
