I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
