are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
