a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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