My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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