You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
