I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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