this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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