So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
