I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
