I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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