This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
