We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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