if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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