tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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