THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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