i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
