I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
