If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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