Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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