I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
