i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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