I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize