i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
