she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
