don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
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My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
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It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
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