just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
