my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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