billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
this hospital has no fireball
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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