He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
