My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Four minutes until I can fart!
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
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