I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
