She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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