Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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