ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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