I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize