She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help