I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
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yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
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She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us