Since when is my name a synonym for head?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream