I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.