I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
where are my pants?
in the oven.