She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
