Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I need moral support for this bender
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Enjoy the penises
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
