Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
