I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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