I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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