Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
