What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
ok first of all what the fuck
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
