so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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