Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
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He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
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I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
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