I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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