theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
