U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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