You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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