the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
