i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
