I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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