how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
