I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
