I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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