i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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