Only a mothe r could love this liver
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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