Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
